Dear self,
Please remember that no one is obligated to receive all your negative vibes. You are responsible for your own feelings. I know its nice to finally found someone who would be willing to listen you out, but do not take him for granted. Being your listener is not his "privilege", it is unfair that he gets to see only the negative side of you while you laugh and smile at other people. In a relationship, both people want to be happy. Love is never the excuse of treating a person less than they deserve. Learn to deal with your own emotions and sadness before sharing your thoughts with him. You don't have to save all the sadness for him, share some of your joyful and playful sides with him too. Understand that this is his first relationship as well, he's still young, so are you.
You have a lot more to learn, and all those things takes time. I believe someday you are going to be a kind, confident, mature and happy woman who's doing great work in people's life. Good things take time right? Please always keep in mind that you are too working your way towards your goal. Everyone takes different paths in life, it definitely takes more than just luck to have someone walking by you. Appreciate it, but do not expect that to last forever. People might come and go. Be thankful even if they are not to stay, for what they had taught you will do great for you in the future. Be even more thankful if they are to stay or try to stay, you can't really ask for too much. Always be grateful and I believe you will bring more positive vibes to people. These will always starts with people around, especially those who are close to you.
Don't be afraid to communicate your feelings, but find a time when you are not troubled by other stuff, so that it would not affect your ability to speak your mind clearly. Do not ever say words you are not sure of just because you feel like getting back at him. Time apart might be good for both of you now, you don't have to feel insecure or sad of that. Have faith in him, trust him with your heart, these are all acts of love. Love is not just saying i love you all the time, show actions, it really doesn't matter if you are doing it first. Love doesn't keep records of who wins/lose anyways. I can tell that he is happy right now that things are going well for him, new studying environment, new friend circle, new insight to his future. Be happy for him. You want to be a part of his happiness, not someone who drains him and prevents him from being happy right?
Dear self, I am sorry for not taking good care of you. I am sorry for allowing you to dwell in all the pain and sadness during those sleepless night. You do not have to change anything, crying is never a weakness of yours, but do consider it a personal healing time. Please believe things will get better in time. Whatever caused you so much pain on the inside will heal. Have faith.
"Love wins, love always wins." - Tuesday with Morrie
Love,
S.C
